a tempting look at the future.

48 days left. Just sayin...

Everything that needed to be done in UT was accomplished. It's a little bit sad to think of that small valley I call my Home and know that I won't be back in it's loving arms for another 2 years. Milly asked me if I was scared of coming back. Essentially, was I scared of the inevitable change that will take place between then and now? Am I? NO. Not in the slightest. I think I learned something valuable on my trip back to the wild west: things change. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a stickler for change. In my heart of hearts I detest it, but I think I've learned to accept and adapt to what life decides to give me. Most importantly I've learned how to be happy despite the changes that occur in my own little world. Move on and keep your priorities straight, and don't forget to take a step back and breath, and LOVE EVERYONE.

Ugh. That just sounded WAY too grown up.

I realize I'm not a genius. I'm not even really smart. I'm just average, but I love to know thing, and I love knowing answers to questions.

p.s. i love you so much

is there kayte in the audience? k-a-y-t-e? this is for you, happy birthday.

"Well, the time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things..." Like how I have turned the monumental age of decision: 21. It is true. To ring in this new age, I had this young Swede pictured above sing sweet nothings into my ear. He even gave me a song as a gift-Amsterdam. Wasn't that wonderful of him? I was quite appreciative, that is for sure. He was so handsome, and I'm optimistically in love with the thought of his smile.

Then this girl who lives in San Fransisco:


Told these guys it was my birthday when they played there. Then they came to Provo on Monday and sang a beautiful song to me for my birthday as well.

Milking for all a birthday's worth you say? YES. Thank you Erin Leigh. Thank you Björn Yttling. Thank you; thank you for a magical birthday.

a brick of a phone that will be no good come september

1. Mischief
Causing mischief and mayhem is something I enjoy. I try to stay away from that which might hurt or offend, but sometimes it's something I can not avoid. Current mischief is definitely entertaining and ongoing.
2. Late Nights
Average bedtime is 2:30. I need to change that, but I have decided that this is MY summer, so giving up a good time in exchange for some sleep is NOT an option for me. I have my whole life to catch up on sleep.
3. Birthdays

The day I am defined by is coming up soon. I can not wait. I also can not believe that I'll be the age I will be. What that means is I'll be old. OLD. It's a landmark age. 12, 14, 16, 18, 21. I have never liked landmark ages. Reasons for being is that I'm not a fan of even numbers. Odd ones always do it for me. Hopefully this one will.

4. Roommates
I do my dishes, and I don't leave my crap around the house. Enough said.
5. Bands
I never before have claimed membership in a band before now. This one rocks. Literally. Ask me about our shows; you can come, and you can rock too.
6. Missions
I've decided to put aside 1 1/2 years of my life and serve a mission for my church. I'm filling out my papers, and slowly but surely I'll have most of my medical responsibilities taken care of. I feel so right about this decision. It's a little bit scary. I'll be set back in my studies a little bit. I'll come back and have 1 friend. But who cares:

When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead and extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself. Jacques-Yves Cousteau

My sweet brother is on a mission right now in Campinas, Brazil. Travis just left on his mission to Budapest, Hungary. My Grandma is in Asuncion, Paraguay. I think I'm going to go crazy with anticipation waiting to find out where I will be called to serve.

Whats up summer? Whats up Mission? Whats up no school? Whats up being really poor? Whats up band? Whats up bike rides? Whats up Alicia? Whats up Erin? Whats up Jendar? Whats up Provo? Whats up?
I am really getting into LIFE:
Living
In
Fun and
Engagement


I need to cut my hair. Badly.

compact discs of the utmost quality.

The Titanic song is playing RIGHT now over the loudspeakers at work. Mary Cox admits she's seen this in the theater 5 times. I will admit no such thing.
Alicia Harris was in Ogden this weekend, making me VERY sad and alone all of a sudden; but she has returned relieving my sadness. Erin Leigh Chapman moved to San Francisco on Thursday, and I will go visit her in July because I miss her. My sister and I are EXTREMELY cool, and there's not even room for argument. I love that.
The search for the Provo River rope swing headed up by myself and Patrick Harding failed. The tree has been destroyed along with childhood dreams. Speaking of childish dreams, Saturday night I ventured back onto campus (a daring feat on a Saturday night for fear of being mistaken as one of THOSE people) to watch Howl's Moving Castle outside. It was magical, and International Cinema provided popsicles which always makes things better and more childish.

don't do it juliet.

This is what we do in the summertime:
We eat watermelons and hot dogs--even in inclement weather.
We go on Sunday (and every other day of the week) bike rides .
We study hard in the library (3 more weeks left).
We have bonfires.
We have potlucks.
This doesn't even begin to cover the never ending quest to find the perfect churro; the latest obsession with tetris; frolicking in parks, etc...
I love the summer time.

neurologic disorders causing visual dysfunction

I love summer so much. 1 hour + bike rides. Bonfires. Slack lining. Cooking flaming hot dinners. Etc. Etc. Etc. School and work sometimes must take the back seat to a midnight bike ride.
I turned in my Nursing Application yesterday. Now all I must to do is get through the dooms of Pathophysiology and Statistics for the next month and a half and hope I have a chance of getting into Nursing school. I should be mildly scared, but am not. Who knows if I'll get in. If not, that sucks. On to a couple of schools that will allow my acceptance. And onto better things.
Also, I think Erin and I have the same eyes kinda. I like her a lot.

My day was so full. I love it. So much. In the past two weeks I have come to the realization that this summer is going to be one of the raddest summers that I've had in a really really really long time. And I feel really good about that.
Today marked the celebration of the 40th birthday of a woman who was present at my birth and various times in my life-Bridgette Blackwelder. She gave me a hug that said I love you. I love those kinds of hugs. I was outnumbered by Blackwelders/Rodgersons at the party, being the only Brown (a rare occurence). But I held my own. I also got hit on by one of the waiters. That was interesting. I think Erin Blackwelder saved my life one summer. Well, mostly it was her children, Brooke and Ellie. I think I am going to be a horrible mom. My kids are going to be the dirtiest on the block. I am going to advocate jumping in streams, chasing ducks, picking planted flowers, grass stains and possibly food fights. There will be outright pandemonium at my house. Oh well. I'm over it.
When I grow up...

all the shortys like 'who that'?

Went climbing with Tricia yesterday at Rock Canyon. It felt really good to be on rocks-it's been a while. Tricia trusted/taught me to lead belay her. SWEET. I am a proficient belayer. I swear I won't let you die.
Sometimes, I don't think we look alike at all. Regardless, we're pretty damn cute. (I'm giving the best face...) Will post the link between us soon. She doesn't get here till Tuesday (MOMMMMMMMMMMMM).
OH, Oh, oh! Jendar and I found a place to live! Party of 2007 please commence.

temporary operator license

My sister spent the night with me last night. I LOVE HER .
(Even though our Cafe Rio salads got mixed up and I had to eat her pork and she ate my chicken...)
I met my potential living partner, Jendar, tonight.
Things are looking up I think.
(They weren't really down, but anyway.)
My last final is tomorrow morning. BioChemistry.
I have 15 dollars to my name.
I sold a book for 40 dollars today.
I may be poor, but I have food. I have a roof. I have a job. I'm not in debt.
Basically life is good, and I have nothing to complain about.
Kisses all around.

May 30th - June 6th CT here I come.

I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY.

I'm in the mood for a party.

tattooed youth.

My iPod is dead. Dead. DEAD.
If you can't tell, the iPod on the screen is making a "sad face".
www.apple.com/support/ipod
Freakin' 4th generation, black and white, 20 gig, huge, piece of crap. I lov(ed) you.
You were good; you served your purpose; you lasted me two years; for that, I am forever greatful, but right now, I want to throw you in the trash.

i should be suspended from class

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Anyone want to study for me for my BioChem test tomorrow?
I spent the morning cutting out amusing Daily Universe articles I've been collecting for the past two weeks, watching the history channel and listening to the wind outside--it's whistling. Oh, and doing head stands.

all creatures of our god and king. good friday rules.

Today was a day you could put on that list of days that were just good.
Good thing #1
I've been super stressed about my ridiculous W-2 fiasco with FedExKinkos (damn the man, save the empire), because I still had not gotten my C W-2's back. Miraculously, they appeared in the mail today, the last day the VITA-lab at BYU were doing free taxes.
Good thing #2
A couple of weeks ago I thought I had lost a bead off my bracelet. I had gotten the bead down in Moab, and it was torquoise and beautiful. For all I knew it was floating around BYU campus somewhere. After I got my W-2's in the mail, I was gathering my things to head to the lab to get my taxes done when I looked down on my floor, and there the bead was!
Good thing #3
I avoided the 4 hour wait to get my taxes done because I had saved a small blue sheet of paper, that stated I had the privilege to be the next one in line to do my taxes.
Good thing #4
I'm getting enough back from the Federal Government that I'm not as stressed about $ as I was before. It means I get to fly Home!
Good thing #5
I registered to Vote in the great state of UT.
Good thing #6
To keep the good karma going, I gave blood. It took 5:08 min/sec to give.
Good thing #7
I found myself in the middle of the Seniors banquet on accident while walking home from work, making it able for me to partake of the goodness of free German Chocolate Cake Chocolate Icecream, courtesy of the graduating class of 2007.

all these people drinking lover's spit

Miles (jonathan) and I have agreed that we both had the most fantastic time on the mountain yet this winter (spring?). One would think we would be pretty rusty seeing as neither of us have been boarding for over a month, but I decided that boarding is like riding a bike--it comes right back to you no matter how long it's been.
Next topic: how awesome my car is... 345 miles, three trips to SLC and still going strong on one tank of gas.

Also, it all boils down to two things when it comes to happiness--all the rest is arbitrary.
1. Clean laundry
2. Warm feet
This was decided by Deana and agreed upon by Kayte.

Thank you Timothy Hutton for an entertaining night.

it's the animal poisoning.

-I spent the majority of my nights last week at the library till close.
+I went to yoga 3 time last week.
-I cut 2 inches off my head yesterday, and I had two people tell me today that it was getting so long.
+I cut my hair yesterday
+I went to a BBQ at Liberty Park yesterday.
+I turned in my 10-pager today. (I haven't written a real paper in almost 2 years, it felt good.)
-I think I lost my most favorite sweatshirt in the world on my ride home from work today.
-There are mice living in my house.
+Today's high was 75*F.
-School just needs to end.
+I got stuff in the mail today.

But seriously. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight knowing that there are things, rodents, running around my room. Sick.

i'm so lammmme. i'm building a library.

My lungs are burning. (I think last night was a failed attempt to mend something that was never there.) I also think I need to fix my Schwinn frame up. All it needs is a new front wheel, some liners and new tubes. I think I'm almost done with the Raleigh. It's given me more problems than not. And the Schwinn is prettier.

(I broke down and bought 2 CD's today. I'm still waiting for the last 2 I bought. I hate Amazon.com. It will be my downfall.)
[And curse Deana (but not really) for realizing how much better something sounds if you actually own it.]


(My new W-2's need to get here soon so I can have money again. It's much better than not having money and spending it anyway.)

(Why can't I burn music like any other normal human being?)

Seriously, I came in from jumping a half hour ago, and they're still burning... What gives?

(I guess it's not a good idea to jump until, and way past, the point where you're not breathing normally-at all. Eh, I couldn't help it. Do you realize how wonderful it is tonight?)

(I might start a club? Flyers? Thoughts are moving...)

I have 100 programs to fold for church tomorrow. I have no desire to do it tonight. Looks like I'm getting up EARLY.
Also, I think my social anxiety is getting worse the older I get. I'm trying counter act this with activism in regards to my social life. Ehhhhhhh, yah, that will take some time.


Yoga heals.
Honest. This morning Shelby taught. I felt like I was doing things with my strength and bondas that I had never done before. Stretching further than I would ever desire to go. And it was okay with my body. I wish I had the time to go more.


Thinking about it today, I decided that I want a summer thats is free from the stress of working 50 million hours as previous summers have shown. (Mint Car is playing right now.) I want to be able to sleep-in if I want to. Or get up at 6am and run a few miles and not worry about having a 7:30 class. Do you think that's possible? I also will be be dedicating quality time this summer to avoiding the heat and becoming an expert at Guitar Hero.

and secretly i want to bury in the yard the grey remains of a friendship scarred

I was telling someone about this night. 2am trampoline jumping is definitely the preferred method. Especially if it involves an empty street, good friends, and an over-zealous police officer. I am in the blue.


I took this picture this morning from my window by my bed when I woke up. I love what I get to wake up to everyday.
I wasn't in the sleeping mood last night. (Deana and I went to go see Casino Royale-007.)
It was NOT a productive day today. That in and of itself is tragic.


Good Night.

t to thePlease remind me to figh death if I'm ever captured by terrorists...

You can now check out the current conditions of the lines at the Testing Center-oh, how convenient. I was in and out of this place in an hour today. My Chem 281 test went splendidly!

I'm so tired. But the good news is that I'm finished with the skirt requirements for HFL 185R. It's done.
The powder up at Brighton is unbelievable.
And I've been communicating with my roommate via email because of our extreme opposite schedules. I love gmail.

ba-ba-ba-ba-like-u-crazy

I was just profiled by some kid that couldn't stop talking; ate all the Cadburry Eggs I bought for Mallory and I to eat; or stop thanking me for helping me with his GIGANTIC BYUSA poster that pictured him and his running partner for the BYUSA Presidential/Executive Vice Presidential elections. I think, though I don't see what the BYUSA does, I am going to vote this year. He was spastic. Intense, and seriously, I was relieved to see him walk out the door as we flipped the open/closed sign over to read 'closed'. Not in a negative way, but rather, I needed a breath.

Vote for Jason and John.

I wish I had pictures to document the past weekend. It was so pleasing, and I'm extremely proud of myself for accomplishing the things I did...

Event 1. All-star show lined up at Muse on Friday: eden express, john whites, andy martin, tiger fire, and, dear friend, drew danburry. Most impressed by tiger fire. Sweet pop that made me smile. Recording of stops and clamps ensued afterwards (for those that don't know stops and clamps is 2am-talk for stomps and claps) for Drews upcoming album. Stomps, claps, whistles, bops, and happy noises. Stay tuned.
Even 2. Against my bodies wishes I got out of my bed at 7am Saturday morning to meet Tricia up at Brighton. In an effort to get out of the Saturday crowd's way, we stuck to the tree populated areas. We had gotten fresh snow the night before, and it was just dying to be tracked out. There is, honestly, no feeling like floating down a hill in 2 feet of powder, making fresh lines, making sure to keep movement continuous so as to not set off a mini avalanche. Laugh, but it was almost a spiritual feeling. I wish I had real pictures, but here are some off the world wide web that I thought would visualize what I'm trying to say:

I need to get into doing tons of cardio again, because the hike up Clayton peak and others just about killed me.

Sunday brought church and callings and SNOW. Deana says she won't buy shoes that she can't run to the bus stop in... Well, I ran the million miles from the parking lot to the JFSB in HEELS. I wish I had realized how cold it was when I left for church. I didn't even wear a coat. VT accomplished.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIFE IS BEING ACCOMPLISHED.

Glutamic Acid, I love you so much...

I wish I had access to my sister's camera right now. If I had access to this camera, I would post ridiculous videos of me snowboarding and wiping out. Seriously worth a look. Speaking of wiping out--I broke a branch with my side on Monday at Brighton. The 'branch' was an easy 2inches thick in diameter.

I have bigger bruises on my lower hip. It was a grand day spent with my sister, and worth the sick bruises and sore sore body.
Saturday, I spent almost 4 hours in the ER. I wanted to hurt someone. Instead I just watched Karate Kid and wished I had a Mr. Miyagi. It was a long 4 hours filled with misplaced x-rays and discovery channels: young scientist experiments just to find out I had Bronchitis.

Ever feel like people are watching you?
I can't believe I made it through this day. Music ID test I didn't study for, MicroBiology Paper I typed up at 1am last night... I guess it's true that if you just keep one foot in front of the other, you get somewhere eventually. I got home, in my bed, listening to the beatles.

The most unexpected, wonderful news: I A-ced the memorization of my chem test. And I'm quite pleased with myself. Quite. Also, more unexpected, wonderful news: I'm an aunt again! Mack Andrew Brown was born today. Impatient little fellow too. He couldn't even make it to the hospital and was born off of Exit 6 on Rt. 25 in Bridgeport, CT. This makes 8 nieces and nephews. I love my life.

"Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief."

I won scrabble yesterday with a double two letter word: mu and ma. (The M was my last letter.) I need to better myself at that game. It would be in my best interest to do so I think.
Mom and Dad are coming out. They'll be here tonight. I get to hang with my dad all week and go snowboarding with him, and then get hugs and kisses from my mommy whom I miss soooo much. Completely stoked to see them.
I saw Dedication Saturday night up in Park City. It was wonderful. Minus the front row seat that distorted a normal view of the movie, caused me to think Mandy Moore was unattractive for short moments, and made my back kill all day yesterday.

telling the difference is like figuring out those beta and alpha bonds.

Remember that one time I was in Italy? And I saw stuff like the Laocoon and the Pieta? I forget. All the time. Yesterday, I found a receipt for that gelato place down the street from St. Peter's square. Best gelato I have ever had in my life. EVER. Punto!

That was such a great day. That whole trip is one big blur. But I remember things like: our last night in Rome at the Spanish Steps. I still don't understand the fascination with those steps. There's always too many people there to even enjoy them. I remember going to market and buying blood oranges. Oh, I miss blood oranges. I love remembering things. I need to do it more often.
And I remember that defining moment in my life; this was the night. I don't remember why, but it was a night that could have gone very differently. I think Mirah saved my life in a way:

So silly how so much can change in the course of months, weeks, days. Hair today:

Gone tomorrow. My room is empty:

I hope Matt returns my dragon shirt. I left it at home and apparently he's been wearing it. I'm glad someone is enjoying it, but it's my masterpiece. And my symbol for sticking it to the man. I want it back!
Also, Mom says I can't be a loner. Ha ha.

oh, mandy

I wonder where Deana has gone. I haven't seen her for maybe 3 days? A little worrysome because I live with her, but I think she's just Sundancing it too much. Next year, if I'm around, I want to be non-existent around Sundance time too. But hopefully I won't be around, and I'll be somewhere unknown to me in this world, totally oblivious to the fact thats it's Sundance time.

I was walking by the bowling ally in the Wilk, and they were playing 'Ridin Diirty'. It was too strange.

You're not a baby if you feel the world.

Last night, driving home from work, some BYU shmuck ran his front end into my backend. Many of you may know that I have been hoping for a rearender to happen to me since I got my car because of the big ol' crack in the bumper my car came with. Finally, it happened. How often do these things happen? Especially when you want them to... And what kind of damage do I get? Natta. Nothing. A little bit of his paint on my back end, which can be scrapped off. Thats it.
I JUST WANT A NEW BUMPER PEOPLE! Who runs into someone's backend and doesn't leave some sort of crack or scratch? Imposterous in my opinion.

Pictures of my new androgenous hair style coming soon.

I just spent three hours driving home from Salt Lake.