Monday, October 29, 2012

Posso respirar agora. Estou livre.

I had my last birth for a month last night. Now what I need is for someone to take me to the mountains, where there is no cell service, and there I will stay until I have recovered from the last month.
That is all.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

nucleo duro

I think the shuffle function on my iPod was crushing on Ian MacKaye tonight. Songs by Minor Threat, Fugazi and The Evens came on one after another. 
And then Mogwai took the rest of the night away. 
I'm in a little bit of heaven. 

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Queria que guardaria o dia do Senhor melhor

I work on Sundays sometimes. Like maybe once a month. On the one hand I don't really care because it's once a month and not really a big deal to me. On the other it's Sunday. Jesus' day. A holy day right?
I have always struggled with this principle. Like, does it REALLY matter if once a month I miss church because I'm working? I don't think so. And when I miss church because I'm attending a birth I can't help but to think that there's no place I'd rather be than at the birth of a wee one-a new soul. It's a beautiful moment. A holy moment that perhaps is most appropriate when it occurs on a Sunday.

But when I'm sitting at medical research facility (the job that pays the bills, ya' know?) all day performing monotonous assessments on patients I can't help but think: so this is what they mean when they say that Sunday should be a day separate, apart from other days of the week. A day to rest, release and meditate. Today is a day to breath deeply. To remember and reflect on the past weeks. A day to be aware of blessings. I'm more and more convinced that I need to fill my life with more and more love and compassion.
I'm probably not going to stop my once a month Sunday work days. I'm probably not gonna stop not feeling bad about making grocery store runs for forgotten or missed ingredients for Sunday dinner. I will probably keep hiking every once in a while. I will definitely keep listening to the bluegrass station.
But I will commit to resting this tired body. To reconnecting with loved ones. To being aware and grateful. I commit to loving more and needing less. I commit to thinking about the important things. I commit to recommitting every week because God knows I forget.
Happy Sunday friends. I hope it finds you well.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Eu escrevo músicas ás vezes

And they are always short and a little repetitive, but they are always very cute.

I live in a town that's nestled up against the mountains in the corner of a valley. When I sit on the porch at night it makes me very lonely and amazed at the same time.
Lonely because sometimes you want to share really lovely things with people--and maybe even the dog won't sit still enough to do that with you.
Amazed because even though the valley itself is getting larger and busier everyday, the sky just keeps getting vaster and the stars keep on falling and the moon keeps on rising.

Since regaining a little bit of my soul back (my iPod: we had a really long parting of ways and we are now reunited along with all music circa 2003-2007), I have been listening to a lot of death cab. I know, I know. But really I KNOW. Remember how awesome that band is? And how their music speaks to the scientific soul? AND the romantic soul? The heartbroken and the one that moved on? I remember. You know when a song comes on in your car and it's so good that even though you've arrive at your destination and you've parked the car, you can't bring yourself to turn the key to off? That's dcfc. Every time. It felt good to remember them. Like old friends that I didn't forget about, but like my iPod, got separated. I'm so glad they're back.

Tonight I wished on one of those stars that keep on falling. It was beautiful. And I believe.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Meu corpo é um terra de guerra

But not like that...
The past four days my body has been rejecting the things I've been putting in it. Rejecting it forcefully. I could maybe understand why if I was a horrible eater, but I like nice things and that is above all not limited to food. My mom thinks it's giardia. I don't know if I buy it, but it's the only thing that makes even the slightest sense.
It seemed to be letting up today but alas, when I took a bite of that mini cheesecake tonight I could eat no more. Since when does cheesecake and other sweets make my body cringe???
In addition, I know I'm significantly dehydrated which makes me nervous. I don't like not having water inside of me.

I had an impromptu energy work/chakra balancing session yesterday. The unexpectedness was countered by the need for it. Basically I was told I needed one and then was given one. She apologized, and I don't think she realized how much I love/crave balance and flow. I think it's time to start using the patchouli again.

I also had an unexpected call from a massage therapist who was hired by someone I barely know to give me a massage.

The point: even though health wise my life has royally sucked this week (I feel depressed every time I see a good spread of food, knowing that I will barely be able to eat a child's portion if at all...) every other part has rocked. And I guess that makes it kinda worth it if you're a glass-half-full type of human.