Thursday, November 29, 2012

tá melhor do que o alternativo

I think I should be in love.
And not being set up on blind dates.

Also. An unrequited love for Joanna Newsom has been reawakened within my bones and I can't stop listening. Can't stop won't stop.

As coisas belas que me dá esperança

Lately, a lot of things have been moving me to tears.
Every time I see this preview.
This movie.
This song.
The full moon tonight. Are you for real?
This article.
I am so grateful for beautiful things. Beautiful people. Most of the time I'm quite pessimistic when it comes to my opinion of the world and the state of things, but I still like to to hope the good in this world outweighs the bad.
These things help me believe that. They're small and extremely insignificant, but they move me.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Um tempestade de neve trouxe a inauguração de inverno

Sometimes I like to do things by myself. Not because I prefer to do things by myself, but sometimes what I prefer is not what others prefer, and thus requires me to do them alone.
Movies: I'm not afraid to see them alone. If I really want to see something, I'll see it.
Snowboarding: I feel like I bro-out way too much when I ride, and so perhaps it's a good thing that I do that alone.
Being alone doesn't scare me.
But it's not what I prefer.

Also. I've been on the internet for a while. And I've borne my heart out to it for almost as long. That might not have been a good thing during my more tumultuous years, but I can't help that now. I was reading my livejournal (Yes. My Livejournal. I had two. I was so cryptic. So emotional. And I loved to say bad four-letter words.)

All this leads up to this point--today I went boarding up at Brighton. It was opening day and it was so perfect. Over 4 feet of beautiful dry snow. My legs are paying for it. But it's something that makes me so so happy. I've said that before. Several times actually. As I was looking through ye olde Livejournal entries, it was one of the only things that I consistently wrote about. Take this line from 21 Jan. 2004:
this smoggy, utah air makes me sick. physically sick. it's so full of pollution. i can't see the mountains. i can't see the sun, moon, stars or even the blue sky. it makes me so sad. driving up to brighton on saturday was amazing. as the elevation grew, so did the clarity. i could see the sky, and not only could i see the sky, but i could see the BLUE sky. up there you look down at the valley, and you don't want to go back. im going back up there on monday. i can't wait. it really makes me happy.
Or this gem from 04 Mar. 2004:
i went riding today, and now i can do jumps. im very proud of myself. 
i can't wait to go again.

11 Dec. 2004:
we went riding this morning up at Brighton, and it was probably the best thing that has happend to me all week. i was SO happy to get back on a board-you really have no idea how happy it made me.

13 Feb. 2005:
best weekend and tricia flew in on thursday. 8 hours snowboarding on friday with the fam at brighton.8 hours saturday doing the same body is pretty much dying because i rode so hard, but i couldn't care less because it was my best yet. 
18 Mar. 2005:
so happy. the kind of happy that happens when you catch 3 feet of air and land perfectly in the fresh powder below. 
Yup. Little known fact. I love to board.
Panoramic on top of Majestic
Jammin' to some Kanye post-ride

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

será que pudia ser uma boa cientista?

the nerd in me will always love this.

i miss the scientist in me, and part of me regrets not taking that grad student's advice that one time about going on to get a master's in physiology because i was really really good at it. maybe someday i will.
but the midwife inside of me says, "no way, jose."

o momento mormon se acabou--finalmente

And all I can do is listen to this: 
(best song, awesome video. especially at 1:47)

Welcome back 'bama. :)
"a vote for obama 2012 is a vote for jesus 2016"

Monday, November 05, 2012

é bom ser pobre

Some days I am so sad. I am in debt and I never seem to have enough money.
Other days I am content with my rational of, "It's only money, who needs it."
Today I am healthy, not so wealthy, and a tinsy bit wise. I'm on the up and up.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

pontos pra pensar

The point is. I try not to worry about things. Most of my friends know this about me. I'm pretty chill, and I try to take things one step at a time. It usually works out great. I rarely freak out. I stay unusually calm in situations where I really should be crying or yelling or having a nervous breakdown. (In my lines of work, those situations come up more often then what the normal person is probably used to.) I've gotten so many remarks from people thanking me for my calming energy that I bring into a room, that I actually believe it now. I'm happy that I keep cool under pressure. I wonder though, does it keep me from feeling things correctly? Or from letting what I really feel come out into the open where I can process things?
This is why I am grateful for my sounding boards. I have a couple of them, but E has become the biggest sounding board as of late. We're each other's sounding boards actually. We're separated enough by our friends and social circles and ages that there is rarely criss-crossing and so it is safe to say and feel what we are really feeling.
[I worry that I induct un-wanting people into that sounding board area. If I've ever done that to you, I'm sorry. Not everyone wants to hear what I have in my head, and I need to remember that.]
Here's another point. I started listening to Elliott Smith again last night. And I haven't stopped. I fell asleep to it. Woke up to it. Showered with it. I'm writing to it. It's been years since I've done this, 7 years to be exact. He's not my favorite artist, but one of those guys that have a place, and he's found a place in my life at this moment. 
The other point is that my phone is dead. I let it die last night. I forgot to bring my charger with me (I'm visiting T in GJCO.) T has a charger, but I was thinking of how once I was phone-less for a month and how awesome it was, and thought I would go phone-less for a day. Or two. Sorry if that means you haven't been able to get a hold of me, but it's been months since I haven't been on-call. Email me.
Next point. Little ones make you feel so much love. This weekend I slipped through a couple of mini (no really, they were tinsy) slot canyons with little nieces and (not so little) nephews. They make you feel like a cool aunt too. (Aunt, not ant. I'm from Connecticut--we say things proper there.)
Proximo ponto. Sometimes you are sitting in a Sunday School lesson on the Beattitudes and it's an awesome lesson, and you're feeling inspired to make a comment, so you do. In your comment, you let the words "suck" and "crap" out. (Trust me, it was a pretty awesome comment.) (By omitting "shit", I thought I was doing a good job in censoring my language...) Then after your comment is finished your sister (who's ward you are visiting) leans over and laughs at you for using "salty" language, and then you notice several class members sneaking glances at the young folk who's using inappropriate language. And then you really take a look around the room and realize that the room's average age (not including outliers, AKA, yourself) is probably 65 years old. Then somehow you feel badly for perhaps offending the elderly. Oops.
One last point. Sometimes you have friends who can say, "Don't freak out, just enjoy each day." And I really miss and love those friends.