pontos pra pensar

The point is. I try not to worry about things. Most of my friends know this about me. I'm pretty chill, and I try to take things one step at a time. It usually works out great. I rarely freak out. I stay unusually calm in situations where I really should be crying or yelling or having a nervous breakdown. (In my lines of work, those situations come up more often then what the normal person is probably used to.) I've gotten so many remarks from people thanking me for my calming energy that I bring into a room, that I actually believe it now. I'm happy that I keep cool under pressure. I wonder though, does it keep me from feeling things correctly? Or from letting what I really feel come out into the open where I can process things?
This is why I am grateful for my sounding boards. I have a couple of them, but E has become the biggest sounding board as of late. We're each other's sounding boards actually. We're separated enough by our friends and social circles and ages that there is rarely criss-crossing and so it is safe to say and feel what we are really feeling.

[I worry that I induct un-wanting people into that sounding board area. If I've ever done that to you, I'm sorry. Not everyone wants to hear what I have in my head, and I need to remember that.]

Here's another point. I started listening to Elliott Smith again last night. And I haven't stopped. I fell asleep to it. Woke up to it. Showered with it. I'm writing to it. It's been years since I've done this, 7 years to be exact. He's not my favorite artist, but one of those guys that have a place, and he's found a place in my life at this moment. 

The other point is that my phone is dead. I let it die last night. I forgot to bring my charger with me (I'm visiting T in GJCO.) T has a charger, but I was thinking of how once I was phone-less for a month and how awesome it was, and thought I would go phone-less for a day. Or two. Sorry if that means you haven't been able to get a hold of me, but it's been months since I haven't been on-call. Email me.
Next point. Little ones make you feel so much love. This weekend I slipped through a couple of mini (no really, they were tinsy) slot canyons with little nieces and (not so little) nephews. They make you feel like a cool aunt too. (Aunt, not ant. I'm from Connecticut--we say things proper there.)
Proximo ponto. Sometimes you are sitting in a Sunday School lesson on the Beattitudes and it's an awesome lesson, and you're feeling inspired to make a comment, so you do. In your comment, you let the words "suck" and "crap" out. (Trust me, it was a pretty awesome comment.) (By omitting "shit", I thought I was doing a good job in censoring my language...) Then after your comment is finished your sister (who's ward you are visiting) leans over and laughs at you for using "salty" language, and then you notice several class members sneaking glances at the young folk who's using inappropriate language. And then you really take a look around the room and realize that the room's average age (not including outliers, AKA, yourself) is probably 65 years old. Then somehow you feel badly for perhaps offending the elderly. Oops.

One last point. Sometimes you have friends who can say, "Don't freak out, just enjoy each day." And I really miss and love those friends.