Friday, December 31, 2010

vou me mudar pra um ano novo e uma casa velha

The end is abruptly coming with the beginning starting just as abruptly.
Heading East is supposed to be a happy thing, but I'm sad. I'm sad because I will be away from those I have grown to love so, so much. Annnnd I will be facing a future, which I don't really want to deal with right now. The comforting thing is that I will still be an un-adult. I still have tons of school left. And as long as I'm in school, I'm not an adult, right? I remember with Erin graduated from college. Me and Alicia were like, "Whoa! Adult!" Now we are both graduated, and it doesn't feel any different from 3 years ago.

I keep having dreams of the future. Most of the time they make me nervous and anxious. (Partly because sometimes my dreams literally come true.)

One more petty frustration: I am afraid of heights--deathly afraid. Expletives flow freely when I find myself at 60+ feet, and it makes me mad. So mad. I get mad because I love to climb rocks, and sometimes loving to climb rocks means that you climb high. But if I am afraid of heights, I can not climb high. It wouldn't be such a problem (yes it would be) if everyone one around me wasn't afraid of heights. I am the singled one out. When I get high enough, my legs get shaky, my forearms stop contracting and my fingers no longer grip. This leads to falling, and falling really isn't so bad. I was scared of it before, but whateves, I've done it a couple of times now and I don't care about that anymore. It's this height thing that bothers me. Mostly because I don't know what to do to overcome it. It is like this ginormous barrier that keeps me from getting any better.

See you later 2010. I hope that 2011 brings good things. Really good and GREAT things. Noteworthy things.
I think I should have a goal of visiting 4 different countries during 2011 (preferably ones that I have never been to before, but repeats are allowed). Goal made.
A second goal is that I need to do something very awesome. I know this is ambiguous, but I know the feeling I'm going for in my head, and I'm aiming to get the feeling at some point this year.
A third goal is to take charge more. I love to leave responsibilities to other people. I love to be a follower. This isn't because I can't handle responsibility, but because I just don't like to deal with it, and sometimes I feel perfectly inadequate to lead anything. Such a stupid cop-out.
A fourth goal is to write more. I realize that I am not a great writer, but I also don't suck, and sometimes I'm really funny when I write, and most of the time, I really love to write. I think I will start with a short life history, since I will be living at home and will have access to details from my past with all my former journals/diaries so close at hand.
A fifth goal is to run another marathon. That means I need to chose which one to run and buy new running shoes.
A sixth goal is to get over this heights issue. That may involve me doing some dangerous things from very high up. I'm thinking paragliding or sky-diving or bungee-jumping? Or just rock climbing a whole bunch more. Something that would include jumping... This just needs to be gotten over.

GO 2011! BREAK!

2 comments:

Erin Leigh said...

i haven't been in school for more than 3 years and i still don't consider myself an adult. sometimes i wonder if i ever will...

Marge Bjork said...

I'm afraid of heights.